#I am probably going to suffer health wise from all of this

[the-owl-tree]

I wish starlight had a better redemption arc. lowkey that’s the only reason I hate her outside of her dumbass backstory (I could fix it) and the lack of explanation for her being almost alicorn level gifted. like lemme tweak her backstory a bit:

she was considered exceptionally talented and everyone had high hopes for her to go far in life or could even get into celestia’s school (kinda like twilight) but she was suuuuper attached to sunburst in an unhealthy way (bpd gang rise up) leading to her revolving her entire world and life around him and when he left she completely spiraled and used her powers to keep others around her from leaving. her specialty are memory and mind altering spells since she canonically even after her “redemption” can’t seem to stop revoking other pony’s rights to free will.

she operates on pure natural talent and raw might due to lack of proper training so it was actually really easy to defeat her and send her packing out of her village. her second appearance she came back with the alicorn amulet (the one trixie had in that episode, but it was gone so fast I am ignoring it. that’s such a cool item wasted on one episode?? no) which is how she fucked with alternate the realities.

in a world where friendships and bonds are pretty much building blocks for their society I can see it being probable that pony’s without friends could suffer health wise too. not just mentally but physically. maybe she never got her cutie mark and blames friendship in general for stunting her. she doesn’t hate just twilight, she hates ALL of equestria. every other pony has someone and she has nothing and no one. no friends, no cutie mark, no purpose. just rage.

when she is defeated again, she should have faced actual consequences. send that horse to prison. idk. why did cozy glow get sent to hell. this isn’t about her.

I think a probation period or similar where she has to earn back the right to use her magic while attending the friendship school and amending her crimes would have been good to see. she her earning forgiveness. show her earning her cutie mark! show her apologizing to every pony she hurt and then accepting they won’t like her anyway! I know it’s a kids show and really they can’t do too many heavy topics, but also I hate this horse

Starlight's insane magical power without any amulets or anything bothered me, I like the idea of her getting her hands on it instead of her just being super mega OP. I get it's for the sake of the plot but it's also sort of like...does magic need to be trained? What's the point of magic schools if the average unicorn can learn a teleportation spell rather easily? do you guys ever think about how OP magic gets in the later seasons, regardless-

It felt weird that the way they chose to write her being won over by Twilight is literally forcing her between a rock and a hard place. Either start being nicies or apocalypse time forever, isn't that fun! It makes it even more disingenuous with how little time they spend redeeming her or even having her recognize the impact she's had on those around her (it bothers me the show seems more invested in how Starlight has been hurt by the Our Town debacle than the Our Town ponies). It also doesn't help her backstory is embarrassing...like girl write a letter you can levitate quills some kids have to use their damn mouths!

I disagree with her being locked up, mainly because I think MLP's weird tonal dissonance around incarceration is uh really weird for the neon pony story (seriously. why did they lock the child in tartarus, why did they turn the child to STONE). Rehabilitative justice is a GREAT thing for kids to learn, showing that anyone can change with work, kindness, and friendship (in the show at least lol)! But by not centering who Starlight hurt and just rushing through her actually working to be better, it makes her story lacklustre and half-hearted. At least in my opinion!

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 9/5/2023

moving closer to your best friend means hanging out in big groups a lot of the time. while this is theoretically good for mental health or whatever, in practice i overextended myself this weekend and am going to wake up tomorrow with the mental equivalent of a sore lower back

listening (2x bonus)

very fond of måneskin's new single HONEY (ARE U COMING?). sonically different from their other stuff, lyrics and tone-wise another incredible sad banger! spotify

my sister viewed the film Party Girl (1995, dir. von Scherler Mayer) last week at a party in philly and sent me this song featured in the film with no further explanation. Double Cross by First Choice (a Larry Levan remix) has what i want to call bollywood strings, a flute, and the funkiest bassline backing up some really classic disco vocals. First Choice were a group out of philly, which no one at the party knew at the time, and this blog calls this specific remix "dancefloor soul" which is probably as good a descriptor as any. i have had it on loop for a solid week. lyrics include

Love stealing, double dealing, two-timing lowdown son of a gun

which is just so much fucking fun to sing in the car. spotify

-

reading (2x bonus here also)

i read the mandalorian comics in between volumes of berserk, which feels a bit like saying i took a break from watching the evil dead franchise to watch some cocomelon.

the mandalorian comics are a remarkably uninspired nearly shot by shot breakdown of the episodes. not in the way most film/tv comics are, where they’re very clearly traced screencaps, but screenshots redrawn. this would be interesting if the artist was not contractually obliged to the very flat marvel comics style. i am constantly reminded of how the mandalorian is simply…not very good. it’s entertaining as a spectacle of television to watch, but there are not a lot of fun ideas in there. something that made me fucking scream with laughter are these panels of baby yoda

pápá, your son is So high

back to the other series with a dark haired, roaming, grouchy, reserved man on a mission. unfortunately i don't have a lot of berserk thoughts just yet, i am waiting on vol 4 to come off my library holds and my brain is still digesting it. anyway i think not wanting random "friendly" embraces from strangers is a very reasonable thing for guts to dislike and i truly do not understand why ppl in-universe get so fucking offended. unfortunately reading these late at night did lead to an unpleasant sleep experience.

bitches love a fucked up interior space that can't ever actually exist (it's me i'm bitches)

not to be all therapeutic but im trying to be Curious About and Gently Interrogate why i get a real bee in my bonnet once a year to read some horror comics/manga when i am big squeamish baby about film depictions of those things. i think mostly bc comics gore is so much more stylized than some of the very effective practical and cgi effects? and crucially nothing is actually like writhing around on screen it’s a still image? does anyone else’s brain have a much easier time handling still images over moving images of gore? much to consider

as with many other things, me reading berserk is indirectly @dying-suffering-french-stalkers ' fault

-

watching

i have viewed the first four episodes of Fire Force, the urban fantasy mercenary firefighter anime and do not think i will be continuing. while i have a great many questions about the worldbuilding (gravitational anomalies?? genetic predisposition to spontaneous human combustion?? solar god nuns??) it has a dead mom plot, which i am allergic to. this is also a 7.5-8 on the Ass part of the Weeb Ass Shit scale, and has a lot more casual assault than i try to encounter in anime. it's by the soul eater guy, remember the level of Stuff going on in soul eater? a little bit more ramped up groping and stuff that makes me say out loud "wow i don't like this" than soul eater.

the animation re: aforementioned fire is really top notch tho. visually complex and interesting television program.

how i found this: me and my best friend and my best friend's husband morosely poking around the anime section on hulu, looking for something to fill the spy x family void. this ain't it tho

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playing

i have no fun genshin tidbits to share bc i am grinding talent mats while catching up with the podcast episodes of the road to partizan and i don’t have much to say about the not-fun parts of gachas. why am i playing something if it’s not inherently fun? great fucking question

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making (3rd 2x bonus)

very uninspired (derivative, even) abbreviated sofrito thing over rice. with heavy application of Worcestershire sauce it was fine. no pics

also i finally bought a couch bc salvation army had 50% off everything for Labor Day. this is a question of ethics vs money i have decided for myself, and encourage you, the reader, to go off and quietly make your own philosophical choices without explaining them to me in detail.

it will be arriving on friday bc that is when the strapping young men who own trucks are available. my front door is a very non standard size and i have a very awkward front stair, so i needed something that could fit under the overhang while standing on its end. this one was the best size and (fortunately) the cheapest at $150. it is some sort of extremely flammable early polyester and 100% has a grandma’s soul trapped within its fibers. i will probably buy a cover at some later date to deter miss macaron but in the meantime we will do the strips of brown painters tape, which does successfully deter her. this really really does not want to be steamed so i will also be procuring some chemicals.

here are some other couches i could have bought but didn’t.

[hologramcowboy]

At the recent convention Jensen was supposed to sing at the Saturday night concert but unexpectedly didn’t.

People are joking that it’s because people make fun of his ‘pornstash’ and he was annoyed, but I’ve just been listening to the recent Kings of Con podcast called ‘Beef’.

Rob mentions in detail a chat thread where he maybe upset Jensen as he said no to Jensen’s suggestion for a medley, as Rob didn’t want to learn too many new songs, as was already struggling. (I have a friend who also suffered a stroke who finds this kind of thing difficult and so think this could be a real challenge for Rob now).

Rich was joking that he had offended Jensen. And then Jensen didn’t actually sing at the event for some reason. It all sounded kind of petty if that was the case and I’d like to think that wasn’t the reason.

If you have chance to listen to it I’d be interested what you think.

I personally think it’s wise to protect Jensen from singing at the moment as he seems drunk, can’t remember the words, sometimes sings badly when I know he can sing well, and wanders off when he feels like it. I could never ever cast someone like that in a performance after seeing that and worry how it looks to others.

There are also some details about Cliff not letting other cast members into J2’s private green room at times that do make it seem that they were maybe as close to the cast as I thought.

I want to believe the best, but these stories make me wonder.

That stache or whatever he wants to call it just gave him the creepiest vibes. As an actor you need a thick skin. People might not like your outfit, words, make-up, etc etc but that should never affect your professionalism and, if it does, then please find another career. You clearly are not in it for the craft.

I am going to be bluntly honest, I am super happy Jensen did not take the stage because, and I cannot stress thiss enough, unless you are putting high quality performances out there please don't put out any at all or you risk burning your image and career. Jensen has done enough drunken, mindless performances where he sang off key and was clearly in a highly altered state. My guess is his team probably advised him to take it easy. I do think he was probably too wasted to perform, let's face it he's proven time and time again he cannot seem to get through a con without altering his state and that is such a terrible example for his fans. I adore his voice but it's been years now that he's been delivering extremely low quality performances in an altered state and that does not honor his career, fans nor talent.

As for Rob, I can't even remotely imagine why watching out for his health would be offensive to Jensen. So I am going to withhold commenting on that and just say that I hope Rob chooses health over those who gaslight him. Health is everything.

I don't get the fans that feel happy in a room where Jensen is wasted out of his mind and screaming off key instead of singing. It's like going to the zoo and watching your favorite animal walk in circles due to being driven crazy by the small cage they are kept in and being happy about it, not even caring about animal mistreatment. What's worse is that they sexualize those peformances during which he is clearly self destructing.

If any of you are singers or performers on every level please choose to believe in yourself and train rather than using alcohol to numb yourself. Don't kill your talents, nurture them, they are a gift you can share with the world. 🧡

[alexissara]

Thoughts On Leaving Texas Before I Leave Texas

I'm moving, I've lived in Texas since I was 5 years old, for almost my whole living memory I called Texas my home, a few different cities but I've been in Texas for a long time, 26 years. There is a lot of things I really liked about living in Texas but now it's time to go. Money wise it's gonna be rough but for my health, for my fiancé's health, for our future we have to leave. My Fiancé got a job up north and so we're going in December or November and leaving behind our long time home.

Texas has become an increasingly terrible place to live, before we even talk about like the direct political threat to my life we need to talk about the threat to everyone's life that is Climate Change and Texas's shit energy grid. Every single winter we have to worry if we'll lose energy for days maybe weeks and if people will literally die freezing due to the failing of Texas thanks to attempts at further privatization they had done. This is getting to the point that things are getting too hot too and the energy grid is under threat now like half the year where people are asking to conserve energy lest we all literally die if the power grid broke down. I hate having to worry that I might get my power shut down random for a few hours or worse case a few days. It is not good for my little neurodiverse brain to have something like that looming over my day as I get yet another warning about conserving energy or just see that the weather is getting to the

Now we can talk about the threats to mine and my loved ones life currently ongoing in Texas. The lack of abortion rights is an active health risk for my family. The constant threat of removing HRT from people is a threat not just to me but to my Fiancé who was considering starting T for a long time now. The removal of queer books and trans women from public spaces doubly effect me as a trans woman and writer removing spaces where I could potentially do public appearances and places I could share my work inside my own community. Not to mention it also just sucks that all the cool public resources, aka libraries could be stripped of queer books, many of which my Fiancé was an active part in getting into the system when they worked there. I pass really well, literally haven't been misgendered in years but a bathroom ban still raises threats to me. Generally the public environment while not as bad in this city always has to have me at least a little bit on guard for fear for my life for being trans but also for being in a queer relationship openly and publicly.

So ya, I feel like I have to go, I do want to go but I wanted to go at my own pace, like I wanted to take the time to wait until we got the right job in the right city, till we were sure we could be living somewhere we could put roots in but that's not what we're doing, we are leaving because we need to be somewhere safer and somewhere better even if it isn't our first choice.

I am excited to move, stressed about the money and about actually moving and I suffer from really bad separation anxiety and get attached to places so I know I will probably spend the week we move balling my eyes out even if I am otherwise emotionally okay but I am excited. The era isn't too far from some friends and since I moved to a new city in Texas I haven't really had any friends who weren't like my Fiancé's friend that I was hanging out with also. Being in a more queer community should be nice and I should be close to some nice spots living more directly in the city. I think I will love a lot of it but also that I will utterly hate the colder months because I like it warm and I hate it cold but to be fair Texas has got a ton colder and our homes aren't built for the cold so I don't actually imagine days in will feel much different.

I mostly feel really positive about everything but from now till I move I am gonna try and hustle and see if I can't get some more gigs or something to take the load of expense off our savings. If you enjoy my work let me know and let other people know you do and that is a great way to help me make more cash money. Thank you for raeding.

[giafluffer]

I don’t think there is a way to wisely manage the amount you are begging from SSI. It is not enough to live on. Of course you should use it to buy food and clothes. You are just as entitled as anyone else to buy the kinds of those things that you like. If you can get to one of the St Louis County libraries, some of them do have social workers on hand that might be more helpful than the county you’re in. It is disappointing that your parents wouldn’t help you with a small amount of rent towards a room or place of your own. They won’t be around forever and it would be in everybody’s interests to help you establish yourself on your own without needing to stay at your bfs. I believe you when you say that your mental health suffers there and agree that your parents house does not seem like a good alternative. A third option needs to be found

alright hope you didn't mean i am begging money from ssi. i am familiar with people's disapproval of social security income receivers, though none of us are "begging".

you are correct and i may follow your advice if the time comes. yes i am different from all my female friends in that they have had things given to them (apartments, education) from parents and i however must do it all on my own. but that's just life sometimes. it's also how my parents were raised themselves: no monetary help from their parents. yet they got scholarships and actually have university education and im very proud of them!

believe me i need you not reply to my paranoia or truth in that you may of called me "begging". i know you are innocent and just fine and dandy with me. your care and concern is well appreciated probably more than you know. ;_; like i wanna start crying cus someone be caring of my situation in depth.

also there is a place in stl named the independence center and they once offered me a very nice apartment. though they would've taken all but 90$ of my ssi check.

i have gone on craigslist many a time searching for shared housing/be a roommate but know i am a peculiar awkward yet friendly individual that not everyone is ready to welcome and receive.

it has worked in the past. but i really don't want to spend more than $350 on an apartment per month due to me requiring the extra money allotted me.

but if push comes to shove maybe i will spend up to 500$ per month. that would mean no gym membership though. but! if i contact social security and explain my new rent price they may increase my income. it just is so tedious and nerve-wracking to call and wait and chat with them. i *could* go in person instead. but like that is also nerve-wracking and am afraid to get an oculogyric crisis in public. but we shall see how it all works out.

like i said my bf is quite unhappy at the apartment he doesn't understand how good he's got it. so i fear a change in location will be on its way at some point.

life is hard for us all. if anything i am blessed with my misfortunes because it helps me empathize with other folk and feel community.

[bisluthq]

I wanted to share with you something that has helped me immensely mental health wise the last few months. Maybe it won't work for you and you think it's kind of a bit childish and not your thing, but maybe not and maybe it helps you a bit just like it's helping me. It's also something I pretty much am sure your therapist will like for you too.

I suffer from severe generalized anxiety (not diagnosed exactly, but it's pretty clear my anxiety is excessive and not the kind you have over something important only, "the normal kind") and I also have depressive episodes (I don't want to label as depression per say) and at the end of last year my anxiety was reaching constant peaks. I felt like I needed something that helped me structure my life and keep me afloat, because I trive on having structure but it can't also be too much or my anxiety gets even worse.

I can't even tell you how exactly I found this app. I guess I was just trying to find something that would help specially with overthinking which is a major problem for me. I tried a few apps but none was really catching my eye. I had done the same in the past and although I have fixed things I like, I also constantly find new things to like and hyperfixate just to be bored of them one month or two later. So that had happened before with other mental health apps. I would get tired of it. Plus the mindfulness and the meditation stuff...I just got tired it of it.

But then I found this app that managed to rope me in for already 4 months now, by making self-care fun. I'm someone that really likes to take care of things and animals and I like to be a bit motherly you know. I'm probably good at taking care of anyone, but me. I'm also very into cute fluffy things, what you call kawaii in japanese. And this is how this app kind of played with my heart the right way. I wasn't even going to mention it to you, because i don't know if it's your thing and I'm aware at first sight it doesn't sound exactly an app for adults (which actually is) and once you delve into it you'll realize it has more depth than it looks behind the fun; but you mentioned the other day about gamifying your day and it kind of made me think...why not you know?

I babbled a lot just to talk about a small thing, so sorry about it. Basically it's an app called Finch. The only thing I could compare it to is like a bit of a tamagotchi, but really not. You don't have to really take care of him like that and he doesn't die if you don't. But there's this little bird you're going to help grow as you check off daily goals for your day. They have premade lists on there you can use of various themes. You can use those, modify goals to make more sense to you or make your own set of goals. As you do your goals, you send your bird to adventures all around the world and he's going to find fun things about those places or just things in general. He also discovers food, movies, music he likes or dislikes along the way (made me think of your own journey) and you can't influence him. Doing your goals also means you get kind of a money currency and you can dress up your bird and decorate his house however you like (thought that would be fun for you).

It all seems very fun, but then you dig in and see within the ep you have grounding techniques, breathing exercises, journaling prompts and all kind of things to help your mental health. Anyway...like I said, I just thought why not share something that has me feeling good you know. If you do end up liking it, send a heads up and i'll send you my friend code with a little gift. You can have friends added there and cheer on each other, so I'll be sure to send a hug your way directly whenever you need it

sounds super cool! Glad it’s working for you! I’m gonna give it a whirl!

[voidingintotheshout]

I made a mistake today by watching an hour of the news, and then, doing a one to two hour deep dive on Wikipedia, about the horrors of the Holocaust written by survivors. And surprisingly, it really tanked my mental health and so now I’m feeling really fragile. I hate it when I do this, oblivious to my mental health limitations and just hyperfocus on something that is ultimately affecting and traumatizing and then I can’t really do much for the rest of the day because I just feel so bad. Like, I didn’t need to know the name of that town. The one from the postcards the Nazis had the Jews say they were being sent to in the Theresienstadt family camp in Auschwitz. Forcing them to lie to their friends and relatives with postdated postcards, telling their relatives to send food, that none of the people writing those postcards would ever get to receive. It was so evil. I just wanted to know the name of the town they made the prisoners say they were going to. It was such a haunting story, but I didn’t need that information, and I should’ve known that doing a deep dive about that was probably not great considering that I have been feeling very emotionally fragile for a week beforehand.

It just pulled me over the edge, mental health-wise where my mental health got to the point that the normal things that I do aren’t gonna necessarily work to pull me out of this pit. I was tired and ready to go to bed but unfortunately I seem to have gotten a second wind through my sorrow and now I am not remotely tired. It’s just me in the middle of the night with my grief, feeling too fragile to even have music to accompany The extremely lengthy journal entry that I am going to have to write to encompass very ephemeral feelings.

And I hate this because it’s not even my shared trauma. I’m not Jewish. However, reading about that horrific levels of suffering is going to end up making anyone feel really depressed and sad and helpless. I feel stupid, because I felt fine when I started, and then I just blasted through the caution tape and into the point of no return and I didn’t even know it was happening. I just really hate it when my ADHD hyperfocus causes me to fixate on something that really tanks my mental health like this. 

It was just so traumatizing and disturbing reading about these viciously perpetrated Nazi atrocities and trying to figure out which American leader or politician or government flunky, would be doing this in America, or on some American Black site, and to whom? Which innocent looking government Trump funky might be doing this in the future in America? To whom? Are Trump acolytes studying these same horrific tales that are so evil and traumatizing as some kind of guide? Will I be targeted? With my friends? Will I be able to do anything to save them? I hate this. I wish I could say that this is just my stupid anxiety. I wish I could say that I’m just worried about nothing. I wish I could say that my Muslim friends, my immigrant friends, my trans friends, and my Jewish friends are all obviously going to be safe and it definitely won’t happen like that here but I just can’t say that anymore. I can’t be certain that it won’t happen like that here or on some black site somewhere. It makes me so sad that I don’t know what to do. It makes me so sad that I feel powerless to stop them or save them. 

I mean, I’ll probably be fine in the morning when these feelings pass, but… i’m just deep in it right now. I mean, it’s not like I can just read a book to take my mind off of it because I’m currently reading Mephisto by Klaus Mann. 

[turnsoutbodiesneedfood]

thank mana and huel and mensa food for existing. my eating habits have been fucking hell lately. usually i manage 3 meals a day still, sometimes 2. usually it is one mensa meal at lunchtime, one mana shake for breakfast or later in the afternoon and then either some actual food, another mana shake or nothing more. i do have coffee with oatmilk and cocoa powder several times per day though. this way i'm managing and staying somewhat consistent with my weight, but only somewhat. i weigh around the same (or slightly less than) i did when i was 14. i am at 7kg less than the heaviest i was, probably when i was 18. now i am 22 years old. and i do not like being borderline underweight. i lost all the strength i had in my legs, literally nothing left. i keep fainting, as of lately even in public. stamina? i don't have that anymore. and i do acrobatics and rock climbing, plus i live in a city where you go everywhere by bike, i do need my strength (back). this is miserable. i may look fit and healthy and ""slim"" and all but i feel worse than ever health wise. scared i may be banned from donating blood for weighing too little soon, scared my bones or overall health may suffer the consequences of my actions. but it feels literally impossible to stop. i think i need to eat more food. it may also help with the moodiness. i'll try and try and try some more. tomorrow i'll get up and i am going to have a shake for breakfast

not weightloss shakes by the way, nono. just vegan meal replacement shakes for busy people who don't have the time to prepare and eat food. or for people like me who are trying to recover from an eating disorder and who'd rather drink 600-800 calories than chew solid food or buy or prepare any

[triumphantfury]

so I just read "TSaW " and I immediately loved the setting. now; I have a bad habit of finding great fanfictions, but all abandoned, I wondered if you had any plans in mind or if you had already made some kind of decision. and if you decide to stop with a story, if you would publish a chapter in which it is confirmed (I would like other authors to do the same).

Thanks for reaching out, and I’m so glad to hear that you are enjoying my work thus far. As for your question, I definitely have plans in mind — for TSaW as well as all the other WIPs I’m currently neglecting. Life has been really busy with a blend of family health issues (my mom has suffered 2 strokes in the last 3 years) and just general life stress, I’ve hard a tough time motivating myself to do much of anything ‘creative-wise’. I am finally starting to get back into it now, and there will be updates on everything. Just probably not at the pace my readers would prefer.

If I ever decide to give up on a story, I would undoubtedly make an official post or update stating such. I would also likely ‘orphan’ it in the hopes that maybe someone else would come along and finish what I started. Not that I am even close to that with my current stories, but you never know.

Still, I am always keen to hear ideas that any of my readers have. I also love hearing wishes for works they’d like to see happen in future. In fact, I currently have a dorky little httyd one shot ready which I am in love with and it came from straight from a random conversation with a mutual. Now I just need to find the time to post it. That said, if there’s anywhere you’d like to see TSaW go, feel free to drop me a dm and I’ll see what I can do 😁

[mercysought]

alright, we're doing this now in between meme replies because my brain needs a kick start, let's try to keep these lean:

the priestess: objectively is the person that most benefits from the veil falling. She gets an energy surge and if she was already one of the most powerful blood mages before, she becomes even more a force of nature. Depends on who is with her, but might just become the next main villain if the cards are played wrong

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maxima aurum: mostly fine, gets sick for quite a while but recovers quickly. imo it's due to the fact that she is elf-blooded. adapts well to the new reality and is rebuilding and aiding those in whatever is left of minrathous as possible

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anora theirin: I think she dies. There's no way I don't see that happening. There is objectively the darkspawn situation which I guess? would be solved? But I don't see how this new reality wouldn't do a number on full non mages. If mages were turn into trees because the Veil was brought up, I have some fun ideas of what happens to folks that have no connection to it. Anyway, rip Anora she'd have hated it all

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abel de clair: In verses where he is alive, I am pretty sure that he survives just barely. Extremely sick, as someone that was already in a more frail situation health wise I don't think he recovers. rip abel

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émilie de clair: In verses where she is alive, as someone that was already deeply connected to the fade + in tune with people's emotions + connected loosely with a spirit that allowed her to survive a certain death situation: the Veil being torn asunder is too much both on her physically and on her spirit, the pain and suffering is too much. I like to think she becomes glitter. rip émilie

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moe: I can see her surviving it, she is a sturdy enough person, I like to imagine she gets augmented and experiments with spirits the same way ghil used to. moe mech spirit, let's go

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the gentleman: I don't write him often in dragon age, he is immutable, he will bear witness to it all.

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asharen lavellan: oof ok this is the hardest one. She survives, but due to the proximity to the ritual she is changed. Technically her body survives but Asharen as herself doesn't really. The ritual she set up for the well breaks, because magic doesn't work the same way which means that she melts fully into the well when no resistance is met. She is still there, but she is one among many. One of the main ones but her existence is now completely inseparable from the Sorrows and the fragment there of Mythal. She sets up a place, like a hospital, to aid folks that are suffering from the effects as she is still useful, still has powerful magic and knowledge. She helps in whatever way she can. She will not be friendly to Solas or any of his allies.

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elgar'nan and mythal: I think elgar'nan is basically dead, but his spirit could reform and I think he does, eventually. mythal's fragments eventually find each others, whatever semblance is there of the old goddess she seeks once more the remaining aspects. And that is probably asharen.

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orla "rook" mercar: she gets violently sick, and is able to survive with the help of asharen. hates everything, do not speak to her or her fishes ever again

Also speaking of knives should I write what are the fates of my muses if the veil falls?

[blueberryscones158]

Mmmmmm, mold

Gotta love being greeted by this everything I get home after a long day

[prof-peach]

I am looking into getting a rowlet, but I want to check with an expert. Is rowlet a poor indoor pokemon? Would a ninetales with drought help?

Very poor indoor pokemon. Without access to a good amount of actual sun, fresh air, and plenty of vigorous outdoor time, at night more so than in the day, they'll start to suffer heavily. Muscle growth will be poor with an indoor life, they will probably start to stress out and shed a load, and eventually go downhill health wise, to the point where a professional will have to intervene. Drought will also hinder their lifestyle, so....all in all bad plan. Maybe try for a cacnea or something instead. Cacturne are a great evolution too. Nocternal, fine in dry air as many houses have, need sunshine from a bright window, but otherwise tolerant of a lot of more parched conditions.

[askpokeeosin]

What inspired you to start this blog?

As previously mentioned, I was in a bit of a mental funk and I hadn't been keeping up with a lot of my hobbies, art included. The idea of starting a pony ask blog was one that I had for nearly five years before. It wasn't until my Holiday Break that I decided to pull the trigger on it. It's actually been pretty good for my mental health drawing and updating the blog during the semester! As for subject wise, I have to admit that I didn't go into this with a set plan. Maybe a little bit of ramblings, a little bit of educational stuff about how the (human. I am studying human medicine after all lmao) body/medicine works, and sort of slice of life stuff was the general idea for the blog. For the one year anniversary, I'll likely give a full story about the birth of this blog. It's going to be quite long, though.

Quite a lot, actually. There's a story very early in the blog about how I found out I got accepted into medical school that is basically what actually happened to me. Yes, the trauma surgeon really did "welcome me to the suffering" lol. The stuff the other throwaway doctors said was also stuff that was said when I told them. I have quite a few stories from my time in medical school so far and from before that I will absolutely be doing stories for. Some of them will be funny, others are probably going to be really depressing, so fair warning about the latter.

[blessed-velleity]

now that i have this blog i can finally talk about my writing/thought process without yapping in the tags of the original post!! yipee!!!

first: timeline-wise, we should remember that this is right after the end of book 5, and before the styx incident occurs. i specifically mentioned that this is the day after vil’s overblot/the day after the canon scene where grim goes to get a little snack out of the blot crystal. when i refer to yu “blacking out”, this drabble is what i mean

second: in tgtwst that. also happens to be the day after santiago enters his brief coma and yu sort of bribes the nurse (fic here). it’s not mentioned but those circumstances are a factor in chrysos’ behavior—he’s stressed, his best friend is currently out of commission bc of deadly magic, his other halfway decent friend is also constantly doing things that are extremely inadvisable for both his physical and mental health, and on top of that, this halfway decent friend has a compulsive tendency to lie straight to his face under pressure. 

third: yes, this is just a few mere weeks after this fic where chrysos and yu are bonding. birds of a feather flock together, but they also know exactly where to strike each other. and yes the way that chrysos gradually uses more informal forms of yu’s name? intentional. plus, the fic was actually going to end in further violence—chrysos would have had to be dragged away by someone—but i made it end the way it did because the worst thing to yu is watching his friendships/connections fall apart in real time (even though he did it to himself lol). there’s also another reason but that’s for later

fourth: if you are genuinely wondering how chrysos figured out all of (gestures) this, because even i’ve barely mentioned yu collecting the blot stones; although it was implied to have happened in If The Shoe Doesn’t Fit:

Yu holds his breath a little longer, and then starts coughing, surrounded entirely by gaseous blot. God, fucking… Why had he decided to do this again? Why did he think hoarding seven blot stones was a noble, reasonable idea? Why was he suffering for the sake of students who would be better off if he’d never showed up?

—well, bear in mind that chrysos is by far and away my most observant oc, he will absolutely take note of the smallest things—and even in the aftermath of something as devastating as an overblot, it’s not hard for someone like him to notice when yu takes advantage of peoples’ backs being turned to do something (especially given that, you know, chrysos was there for two overblots)

fifth: another full disclaimer that i absolutely do not support these two’s coping mechanisms/anger outlets as healthy ones. they are fucked up teenagers. better argument resolution methods exist but these two are not acknowledging them at all by the end

sixth: they’ll. resolve their tensions only after book 6’s big events lol. in this fic it’s just: Chrysos “I care more about my close friends and loved ones than the collective good, but I can’t communicate it to save my life” Pendentif versus Yuhua “I am selfish but I feel obligated towards the greater good to my own detriment” Wei and erm they will probably have to acknowledge that AFTER yu gets involved in even more dangerous affairs

finally: yu doesn’t learn his lesson 💀 in case you couldn’t tell from the fact that he overblots like 2 books later

"hypocrite"

Summary: Sometimes, people who are too similar will also clash. Word count: 2.2k+ Warnings: violence A/N: Wheeew. Chrysos and Yu hours again. I'm not going to comment on the quality of this one for reasons, but I'll just post it anyway. Here you guys go. (I'll also reblog this on my sideblog so you guys can see some additional thoughts and such.)

~

Dammit. Where did it all go wrong?

Yu doesn’t necessarily storm out of the infirmary, but it’s something close to it.

With the longest, swiftest strides he can muster, he intends to head back to Ramshackle—to rest, to collect his thoughts, and to figure out where the hell Vil’s blot stone went.

It hadn’t been anywhere in the infirmary or on his person, even though it was right in his palm when he passed out the night before. He didn’t have any memory of waking up another time between blacking out and ending up in the infirmary, either. 

But if either the nurse or Crewel or Crowley had confiscated it, then they hadn’t addressed the issue at all when they had every reason to as highly-qualified staff members collectively responsible for the school’s safety.

So somehow, it disappeared right out of his hands. Somehow, a very potent crystallization of dangerous magical waste has disappeared and Yu needs to find it. 

Maybe, just maybe, it ended up somewhere where no one will find it before me—

“There you are, Wei.”

It’s a gentle but accusatory voice.

Yu blinks and stops, emerging from his thoughts. Thanks to the fair, the hallway is empty except for him—him and a certain Octavinelle student.

“Chrysos,” Yu says pleasantly, waving to him. Speaking as if nothing out of the usual had happened at all, as if he isn’t high-strung with nerves. “Headed somewhere?”

“I meant to visit the infirmary to find you,” admits Chrysos, “but… it looks like you’ve already been discharged.”

Yu’s mouth curves into a small smile, a mask of politeness, since he doesn’t really feel like smiling. “Yeah. It was probably a cause for concern for some, but I’m fine. An overnight stay in the nurse’s office was treatment enough.”

“Oh?” Chrysos tilts his head. “That’s fast. If I might ask… what were you in there for, then?”

The inevitable question, of course. Thankfully, he’d prepared for this.

“Stress-induced sickness, I guess? It got to the point where I fainted.” Yu laughs softly. Habitually, he adds in a dash of something pitiable: “I’m about as weak as people expect me to be.”

Chrysos narrows his eyes ever so slightly, lashes dipping—as if the half-lie about the fainting spell is a dried-out organism he’s about to viciously dissect. 

“I see,” he replies after a moment, instead of the expected accusations. “You’re sure you feel fine now, then?”

“Yep. Thanks for being worried, though.” Yu doesn’t mention that he pretty much blackmailed the nurse into letting him out, the second time in less than 24 hours. After all, it was better if no one noticed and questioned his abrupt admittance to the infirmary from last night…

…Yu frowns.

“Wait a minute—” he starts quietly, at the same time Chrysos says, “That’s good to hear.”

They look at each other, only one of them stunned into silence; and it isn’t Chrysos, who—ever composed—wordlessly and expectantly gestures for Yu to speak.

“How…” Yu hesitates, and then cautiously continues, “How did you even know I was in the infirmary?” After all, no one—absolutely no one besides the staff—should have been aware. It was far too early in the day for them to have told anyone…

Chrysos crosses his arms, an unreadable look in his eyes. “Do you want to take a guess?”

“No. Just tell me outright, please.”

“In that case…”  

Almost innocently, Chrysos gives a slight sideways incline of his head again.

“I was the one who brought you to the infirmary to begin with.”

As if he hadn’t just dropped a bombshell of a realization on Yu, the ever-polite and ever-observant freshman waits for a reaction with a perfectly neutral expression. Or, Yu reflects, maybe it’s because he understands the significance that he watches so calmly. 

It wouldn’t be surprising in the least.

Of course, still, Yu is filled to bursting with questions; opening his mouth to ask after a moment’s delay—then, what about the blot stone? Why were you out there in the dead of night like I was? Why did no one mention you to me? Why, and how—only to realize he can’t ask any of them. He can’t without giving up the little lie he’d made up for this conversation. 

Even Chrysos, composed and paradoxically reckless Chrysos, can’t be told the truth lest he try to stop Yu.

So Yu closes his mouth and then puts on another smile, a soft laugh. “Seriously? Well… Thank you a lot, then. I owe you one.” 

And, then— 

“But I’m kind of in a hurry, so maybe we can talk about that later.”

Yu turns his back, then, and starts walking off in his original direction at what he hopes seems like a normal pace. It’s rude, and he knows it, but he doesn’t have any alternatives that will end well for him. Or, rather, he simply just doesn’t want to consider or choose those alternatives. 

He doesn’t get to go very far before he’s stopped. 

“Yuhua.” His given name sounds strange coming from Chrysos’ mouth. “Do you know what I’d appreciate in exchange? An explanation.”

“For what?” he asks, turning around again but refusing to meet Chrysos’ eyes.

“You know what I’m talking about.”

Yu’s mouth feels so, so dry. Still, he musters all the false sincerity he can, letting it bleed deep into his voice as he replies, “No, I don’t. I’m sorry.”

The heels of Chrysos’ shoes click, clack against the floor with startling emphasis. “I don’t appreciate you continuing to lie to my face,” he says, voice dangerously soft. “I found you unconscious at the Purple Stage last night, holding onto something you shouldn’t have looked for. Do you want to deny it any further?”

Holding onto something I shouldn’t have looked for? That’s rich.

“Maybe I should ask what you were doing there,” Yu deflects. “Isn’t your convenient presence equally as suspicious?”

“The Film Research Club was debriefing late into the night. You can ask anyone about it.” Chrysos narrows his eyes further. “That’s when I saw you. To be frank, it’s more of an alibi than yours.”

“Well—”

“And,” Chrysos interrupts, now that he’s found a weak point, “that’s not all. Don’t think I don’t know about the other blot stones you’ve been hiding.”

Yu freezes, struck with the overwhelming feeling of he definitely shouldn’t know that. That this has gone very, very wrong—or that this conversation wasn’t really within his control from the very beginning. 

Of course, it isn’t that he hid those dangerous crystals for malicious purposes—just that someone has to do something about them, but now he has no idea what would happen if everyone found out. 

And at this point, he’s already too far in over his head to stop.

“...How do you know that?” he asks, trying to school his expression back into place.

Chrysos basically scoffs. “It doesn’t take a genius to connect the dots. You’re lucky I’m the only one who’s noticed.”

Yu is and he knows it. That doesn’t mean he likes it at all.

“You—” Yu shuts his mouth, and feels his nails digging into the palm of his fists. “Thanks for your concern, but seriously, this isn’t any of your business. I don’t need any help.”

“Actually, I feel a little inclined to intervene. Do you even know what effects continuous blot exposure has on a normal human?” asks Chrysos incredulously.

“Does it matter if I’m just keeping them safely locked up?”

“Contrary to what you might think, you’re not invincible.”

What a disgustingly know-it-all response, one that he would have given himself if their roles were reversed. 

It’s unbearable.

“I can’t believe you’re telling me this. Remember when you almost Overblotted because you overused your signature spell?”

“And so I’ve stopped using it.” Chrysos looks at Yu with what seems to be disdain. “Can you say the same for yourself?”

“What am I supposed to do? Leave the stones somewhere and hope they’ll just despawn without affecting anyone?!” Yu throws up his hands in exasperation. “Seven, I wish it was that easy.”

“Did you consider your other options?” wonders Chrysos. He lays the facts in a sickeningly rational manner: “You could have told someone. Anyone. Maybe not us students, but I’m genuinely surprised you didn’t at the very least call on one of the teachers or the headmage to safely dispose of it.”

The possibility had crossed Yu’s mind at some point. But Crowley had always been too irresponsible, and as awful as it feels to admit it, Yu doesn’t truly trust any of the adults at Night Raven College. He doesn’t trust a lot of people, come to think of it.

“It’s because I thought about it that I came to the conclusion I should just handle it myself. Are you going to stop being a hypocrite now? I mean, having other options never kept you from going off on your own—like with the anemones.” 

That seems to be the spark that makes Chrysos bristle, shaking his scathingly polite Octavinelle exterior. “If you must know—”

“I’m dying to hear your excuses,” Yu drawls, “because the last I remember, you would go off and pursue debt-evading or rebellious students on your own—you would go off and ‘handle’ them yourself.” 

His mouth is running faster than his mind now, but he can’t be bothered to stop it. 

“Don’t you remember that, too? I’m sure it must have been so satisfying in the moment when you were beating Ace up—him, magicless and defenseless, and you with all the power, feeling like you were in the right because no one else was there to govern your actions—”

“Yu.” Something has snapped. Chrysos’ voice is low and deadly, now brimming with palpable anger. “Are you willing to shut your mouth, or should I shut it for you?”

Yu lets himself laugh cynically. “Funny, because I’ve been wanting to ask you the same thing. Can’t take what you dish out either, huh—”

——?!

He almost falls backwards from the force of being struck. Pain erupts on his left cheek and under the hand he instinctively brings up to feel at it. 

It hurts, but one look at the almost feral anger in Chrysos’ eyes and a sick part of Yu feels satisfied, like he’s in control again. 

Still, Yu knows he’s going to regret this later. They probably both will. 

Not that it makes a difference. 

When Chrysos aggressively grabs him by the front of his shirt, Yu can’t help but smirk, even when disoriented from being punched in the face. He reaches a hand up to dig his nails into the flesh of Chrysos’ arm. “Resorting to violence because you have no other arguments?”

“Resorting to deflection because you’re obviously in the wrong?” Chrysos retorts, bearing the expression of one who knows he’s being provoked but still wants to give in to it. As a matter of fact, he probably has the strength to kill Yu right here and now. His unwavering death grip is proof enough of that.

But Yu pays it little mind, refusing to give in to his fear, swallowing it down—he’s been at other people’s mercy in this world since the start, it’s nothing new. “Like that’s your place to decide?”

A derisive scoff escapes him.

“Why don’t you keep doing what you do for everyone else, and mind your own damn business?”

He shifts his weight and kicks Chrysos’ shin as hard as he can, not above targeting a merman’s weakness. 

Chrysos grimaces, stumbling, and his grip lessens. Yu takes advantage of it to try and thrash out of his hold, but Chrysos’ reaction time is far faster: he reaches to grab fistfuls of Yu’s shirt again, making sure the TA can’t run away like he planned.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Chrysos hisses, everything about him in disarray: strands of hair falling out of their perfect arrangement, polite diction discarded. “You can get what I’m saying through your head, but you keep choosing not to.”

“And?—”

There’s another cruel, quick response right on the tip of Yu’s tongue, but it never leaves his mouth. He stays defiantly silent, watching Chrysos’ shoulders shakily rise and fall with simmering anger. Watching Chrysos inhale sharply and draw back his fist—

The next thing Yu knows, he’s on his side, an inelegant heap on the floor. The same part of his face aches, a burst of pain that makes it hard to see. 

As he sits up, Chrysos approaches him.

“You—... I—...” 

For a few seconds, Chrysos starts and stops, trying to find something to say amid the obviously enraged haze of his mind. 

“...Sometimes, I can’t believe you,” he finally says, letting a resigned venom seep into his words. “Preaching all these things and never putting them into practice with yourself.”

Yu waits—for him to say something else, to do something else—but nothing comes.

Chrysos just walks away, and then there’s no one else left in the hallway. It’s an anticlimactic ending, if he could even call it that. A fight that fizzled into nothing but dead silence.

…Only then, once left to his own devices again, does the bitter adrenaline wear off; and Yu shamefully concedes to no one but himself—

Maybe, just maybe, there was more validity to Chrysos’ words than he was willing to admit.

[cowboyjen68]

Recently I’ve been debating getting top surgery. I know that some butches get top surgery and seem happy with the results but I’ve also met some who grew out of their discomfort with time. So I guess I’m debating if I should wait to see if maybe the discomfort around my chest will ease with age or if I should look into getting top surgery. The ones I’ve talked to also had this discomfort about their breast growing during puberty but they said after some time it decreased but for mines it seems like a problem that hasn’t gone away.

I am so sorry for the delay, seems work and side gigs are taking up a lot of my time lately. 

I can only speak from my experience with my body and from other lesbians I talk to... and I talk to a lot. I have many friends across generations. Many of my younger friends are butch but not all. My older friends are a myriad of types of lesbians and as diverse as the greater population. This weekend now that we are all vaccinated we had a campfire with 12 lesbian, 5 butches present. We have definitely had discussions about our breasts, discomfort, and the mourning over loosing breasts to cancer (or the danger of cancer).  Most of my buddies, from 19 to 68 share similar stories about learning to be at least “okay” with their bodies in a world where our physical attributes are often used to define our personality, and our worth. 

One thing we ALL share, as women, not just lesbians, is that we were at best dissatisfied that we have breasts starting as soon as they begin to form. I was 7 when mom told me I had to wear a shirt outside. Wow was I pissed. AND as a 7 years old I knew it had nothing to do with me but everyone seemed just fine with the fact that men were the issue but since we can’t change them we must change our own behavior.

 I remember thinking “how is me not wearing a shirt a problem”. Breasts had been neutral for me at that point. Just another part of my body. Once I realized “they” made me different, more vulnerable, more controlled, less “human” than those around me without breasts I turned my hate on my body instead of the people who really were to blame. Just like I was taught, I can’t control the men but I perhaps I could control my body. 

I have raised at least 10 teenage daughters (2 are lesbians now) my youngest adopted is 15 and when her other mom told her to put on a shirt in the summer of her 8th birthday, even in our rural yard she looked at me dead in the eye and said “why haven’t you fixed this yet?” (meaning women’s bodies being subject to the eyes and opinions of men). I wonder.. why haven’t we? She is the youngest, but all the others grew from hating their breasts to at least neutral, some really love their bodies and that is lovely. 

Lesbians are unique in our dealings of men’s opinions because we never need or want the approval of men in relation to our bodies. The opposite in fact.. we would prefer they see us void of anything they find sexual. Many women, straight, bi, lesbian eventually either learn to give no shits about the opinions of men or they learn to work around that feeling.

Ok.. all that being said, my story. My breasts are B cups, perhaps C’s when I was a bit heavier weight wise. I wore regular bras WITH padding and always as tight as a could to make them less noticeable. When I came out i switched to sports bras because i was embracing being butch and no longer wanted to play the game of wearing  “pretty bra” . I never wore tight shirts, always baggy. I wore the tightest bra I could wear to keep my breasts smaller, less visible. FOR YEARS. 

Going to a women’s festival opened my eyes to the many ways bodies can be. The many ways BUTCH bodies can exist. Women went topless and NO one sexualized them. (except when appropriate-- like while flirting etc when it was welcomed). Thousands of people, many topless and no one, not one person was oogled, cat called, teased, or otherwise treated as different than someone wearing a shirt.  What did they all share? Why was it different than in other places? Women. All women and mostly lesbians. However that did not automatically translate to “I am going back to the real world and giving no fucks about the reality of existing with breasts in our world”. It took time.

I no longer wear a bra just an undershirt. BUT I am in control of where I go, who I interact with most of the time. If I was still at my retail job, I’d probably still wear a bra. I no longer dislike my breasts. I love them. They bring me pleasure, they bring my girlfriend pleasure. They are a lovely part of me BUT that does not mean I am not very aware in public of my nipples being visible or of people noticing I am braless. And I imagine it is harder for women with larger breasts. 

Had binders been a “thing”, had I had access to a double  mastectomy, or the idea of it i cannot say that would have pursued either. The pattern suggests I would have. But again., neither were on my radar, not options presented to me or encouraged as a way to solve my discomfort.

 I have  three friends who have had elective double mastectomies. And many who had one to prevent or remove cancer. Several of them suffer consistent and painful nerve damage that is not treatable, is quite common, is unpredictable (they can’t know who will have it) and possibly life long. Of the three who were trying to alleviate the distress of dysphoria, all three regret the decision and none of them are over 30 yet. These women are all lesbians. Those who had the surgery because of cancer are thrilled to be happy and alive with less worry, although they do deal with nerve issues and mourn the loss of a part of their body. 

I have a few trans men friends, although we are not close. A  couple of them have had double mastectomies but their thoughts or feelings have not come up, we are just not close enough for such a personal discussion and none have had the surgery for more than 2 years.  I have had lots of older lesbians friends (and a few younger) who did get breast reduction surgery and their health and mental health were both improved. Their backs are better, their clothes fit better and they feel more active, less self conscious with out the physical risks of a full mastectomy. 

The easy answer and what I WANT to say, is be patient, find lots of older lesbians friends to show you your body is neutral, men are the problem. Give yourself time to understand that your breasts are as butch as the rest of you. They are a natural part of your body and how you are meant to be. Also, I know there is not an easy answer. Men will continue to exist. They will continue to sexualize lesbians (with or without breasts). I didn’t outgrow wishing my breasts could just disappear(in public settings) until my 40′s but it got easier and easier to sort of “live with it”. I am many times over grateful for my healthy breasts now. 

Seek therapy.. and not someone who will just go along with what ever you say. My therapists works me hard. She makes me answer the hard questions. She has me vocalize things that I don’t even want to admit in my head let alone out loud. Find one like that. Find one who is willing to explore all the reasons your breasts cause you distress. Then, if you decide to proceed, you can do so knowing you were worth the hard work and you can feel more confident in making an informed decision. Don’t make any decisions based on the opinions of men. Your body. YOUR decision. Write that down on a post it and keep it somewhere you will see it. 

If you would like to speak to some others who are struggling with how you feel or want to talk to lesbians who can tell you about their double mastectomies, DM me, perhaps I can connect you. 

If  anyone wants to add their experience in the notes please be kind. No judgement for anyone making such a difficult decision. 

One last thing to this long post. From one butch to another.  I care about you and I am saddened and angry at  bull shit you have to wade through in this world. I get it. You are not alone. 

[tanoraqui]

okay I have to do this today because even I wouldn’t do it after the godforsaken finale airs, and it’s basically my specialty and I did spend like an hour thinking about it last night while washing dishes. Definitely partly inspired by @words-writ-in-starlight​‘s insightful post on everything Supernatural did wrong, and apologies in advance to all the characters for dragging them into anything related to Christian mythology:

Wei Wuxian’s parents die in a house fire when he’s 6(? I refuse to look anything up) months old

Jiangs are a hunter family I guess? That whole disaster of a family dynamic, except WWX dips out at some point to be idk an environmental activist bc at the time, that seems like the larger threat to the whole world. “Mom and Dad went on a hunting trip and they haven’t come back”, “bitch” “jerk”, 2 brothers in a beat-up old car, you know the drill

Jins are also an old hunting family, but more Men of Letters energy - they have a fancy bunker and do research and avoid getting their actual hands dirty. Jiang Yanli ducked out of the active hunting life a few years ago to be happily married to her peacock and settled down with a baby and she’s fine. We’re not going to bother Yanli. She’s safe and happy and doesn’t need to involved in any of this

so, WWX is the demon blood child developing exciting new abilities like telekinesis, mind control, exorcising demons by sheer force of will...etc, and Jiang Cheng is the Righteous Man. Lucifer, Michael, etc.

s1-3 probably proceeds more or less as spn canon...which I more or less remember...by the time they find their parents at the end of s1, Jiang Fengmian is...ugh, we probably shouldn’t kill him offscreen, I mean, we should probably meet him before he dies. I guess. Madam Yu lasts longer because I’m way more interested in her. But we do know that both Jiang parents are totally inclined to fling the boys into a metaphorical or literal escape boat and go hold the line for as long as possible, so...that’s spn energy...

Xue Yang is the one who’s like “fuck yeah, demon powers” and opens the gates of Hell, because I want him to have nice* things

*nice for Xue Yang

from characterization rather than memory, I’m 90% sure that Dean tried to hide his crossroads deal from Sam, but Jiang Cheng does it...better. I think it does come out, though. Right before the hellhounds do.

here’s where it starts to go farther off from spn canon. Jiang Cheng crawls his way out of the grave, gets stalked by a menacing presence that explodes windows for an episode, incidentally can’t find WWX...*Lan Wangji voice* “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition” (a baller line then and a baller line now)...and then the next episode starts with them all awkwardly standing around, and JC is like, “ok well let’s go find my brother then”, and you think there’s going to be an mdzs-riffing JC+LWJ Roadtrip To Find WWX...and they’re immediately attacked by like a dozen demons

in fact, the first time we see WWX in s4 is here, wherein he goes toe to toe with an angel and...holds his own. that’s new and terrifying! also is leading a squad of demons??

because here’s the thing: for the last 3(?) months, there’s been war in hell

because unlike Some People Mooses, upon finding out that his brother’s soul was legally nearly-owned by a crossroads demon, heir-apparent-to-Satan!WWX went, “actually fuck that” and kicked open the door of Hell (metaphorically, not loosing any demons this time) and was like, “who do I have to beat the shit out of to get a specific crossroads contract around here”

this did not work, obv. He didn’t know until it was too late, Lilith had already snapped up the contract, etc. etc.

obviously he also tried to offer himself instead, and got rejected for some reason

Since Jiang Cheng died, however, there’s been a war for control of Hell. Leading one side, Lilith, the Original Babe, who wants to break all 666(?) seals keeping Lucifer bound and in the meantime, break the Righteous Man so Heaven won’t even have Michael’s destined host ready for the Final Battle. Leading the other side, Wei Wuxian, infamous upstart, who wants to rescue the Righteous Man and restore him to life, tear Lilith’s guts out through her nose, and also stop her from doing the Lucifer thing because Wen Qing explained that yes, that’s a Thing, and it’s Bad.

Wen Qing! I’ve decided to combine Bela and Ruby’s roles and let WQ be both the cool badass example of how demon deals can go Bad and the demon deliberately leading our heroes astray for most of s3-4. Wen Qing is a very new demon; she used to be some sort of herbalist/witch but then she sold her soul in a crossroads deal to cure her brother of some lingering illness. 10 years of happiness and then boom, hellhounds. WQ is so obviously competent, though, that they (Lilith, I guess?) immediately offers her a job, with the promise threat that gee, that’s a nice brother you’ve got there, even with his Designated Chronic Health Condition getting all relapse-y. It’d be such a shame if something were to...happen to him...

we find this out at some point in last s3 I guess? some Monster of the Week case involves WN as a witness or something, or possible next victim, and WQ shows up to be A Normal Amount Of Invested In This, while desperately trying to avoid actually interacting with her brother (who thinks she’s dead). YES, the truth comes out; YES there’s a tearful reunion

now in s4, Wen Ning is fine actually, health-wise, bc he maybe made a crossroads deal with Wei Wuxian personally, and Wen Qing may or may not have admitted that she’s supposed to be working for Lilith to get WWX ready to host Lucifer? Or potentially that comes out later, idk. Either way, she’s 100% his top lieutenant in this exciting Hell War they’re waging

[insert whatever the hell (ha) happened plot-wise in s4 of supernatural]

we obviously mix up the relationships, too, bc it’s like, *LWJ internal monologue* I’m too young to remember my brother Lucifer as he was before he Fell, but surely Wei Wuxian is his Heir and Destined Vessel in truth, for he is Charismatic and Charming and Makes Me Feel Things, with his Clearly Feigned Righteous Drive and Compassion for All God’s Creatures and - why does heat keep pooling in the lower abdomen of my vessel when I look at his lips, which I am definitely doing a Normal and Not-Weird Amount - I’m just keeping an eye out for the famed Silver Tongue, and not in any way wondering how it would feel in my own mouth -

it’s actually DEFINITELY plausible for Lucifer to still be released even if our designated Heir Apparent is using his demon powers to his full potential and no one’s lying to each other about their motives. You just need to let Lilith be more scary too, and especially bc by “no one” I mostly mean Wen Qing; the angels are still totally hiding the fact that they, too, want to jumpstart the shit out of this apocalypse.  LWJ decides at the last minute that that’s a bad idea actually, gets himself discorporated to send JC to intercept WWX because he accidentally releases Lucifer, etc. etc. Oh yeah, the boys were def fighting before this, bc JC has actually fairly reasonable concerns about the sort of things WWX is getting up to in his quest to become King of Hell...

SO

...I neither know nor care what happens in s5

it does end with both Lucifer and Michael locked in the cage probably, bc I rather liked that solution. Fuck both of ‘em, basically.

I was toying with the idea that WWX also found Madam Yu in whatever hellish torment she was suffering after making a deal so her idiot son(s) would survive, and she was leading forces for him in the war against Lilith as well. If she came back to life somehow, body and all, it’d probably be compelling if she offered her own body to Michael - bc it’s her lineage! - and we’re all led to believe that she’s, uh, being a bitch and actually wants to risk destroying the world in order to destroy all demons...but then she seizes back control and flings herself/Michael and Lucifer into the Pit, because she’s just That Hardcore?

which means we’d actually have had her around and having characterization for most of s4-5, too, which would be fun

More importantly, it ends with newly crowned King of Hell Wei Wuxian appointing Wen Qing as Queen-Regent and ditching to go on an indefinite honeymoon with his new angel boyfriend (they’re going to fuck for like three weeks straight, then roll up their sleeves and go conquer Heaven in the name of free will), and Jiang Cheng gets to live out his hitherto-unknown-to-himself life’s ambition to be the sugar baby of the Queen of Hell. It’s very Hades/Persephone, except he goes back down to the underworld at least once a month. He gets his own demon squad whom he trains up in all the hunting techniques and it’s gr9. Wen Qing is reforming the crossroads deal process to make it more fair to the humans.

the end

Addenda:

it should go without saying but Jiang Yanli is definitely a recurring character, like, at least once a season there’s a filler episode where they go to Jiang Yanli’s for dinner and have to get along as a family, and also do the much easier job of defeating some sort of terrible demon that gets loose in the bunker and turns the evening into a horror movie. She’s their main research/emotional check-in person, a la Bobby, more often appearing in later seasons when there’s, uhhh, more to emotionally check in about.

Jin Zixuan is actually a perfectly competent hunter; he’s just a priss and we don’t Like him

we like Mianmian, though. Oh, I guess the official Hunter’s Guild or w/e tries to declare WWX a public enemy on account of the whole “King of Hell” thing and she’s like “actually what if you’re morons and assholes?” and joins hte team in s4 or 5? Yeah.

idk how the 3zun disaster happens in this ‘verse but I do encourage it to be happening in slow motion as a recurring subplot for several seasons. NMJ is a hunter, LXC is obv an angel, and JGY is...I wanna say one of the more human monsters, like a vampire? Or, you know, something that could be born from JGS sleeping with someone/something he shouldn’t have